So there I was right, walking back to the farmhouse after a hard day ploughing the fields. Sweat dripping from my brow down the perimeter of my chiseled jaw and landing softly on my size 16.5 boots. Just staring blankly into the horizon, thinking about what little old 6 foot something me could do about all the child hunger and animal cruelty in the world, when I heard a young girl scream somewhere in the distance.
I instinctively whistled for my horse but she was nowhere to be found, to my left I saw a mighty lion so I hastily mounted the beast with ease. We arrived at the location of the scream in seconds to find a young child being held captive by none other than Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson. It only took me two swift strikes to his head to save her, the first killing him and the second driving his skull deep into the earth’s core to prevent any kind of American Indian reincarnation sorcery.
She thanked me and took me to her home where I met her mother aka Kiera Knightley who cooked me a fine roast lamb then lay with me until the break of dawn. I kissed her goodbye and gifted the daughter a teddy bear made of diamonds that I could easily afford, then rode my lion into the sunrise. I was silhouetted by the morning sun in a way that only a God could pull off and that was that, another slow Tuesday done and dusted.
Written by Chad Munro 08/08/16